Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Today the sun is shining which is so nice after our little freak storm we had in Island Park. My kids have all packed their bags and headed to their own homes. I hate the sound of that. We are now 10 months in to OUR YEAR, and I keep hoping things will feel easier. Our stuff just seems so heavy right now. We are trying to happily count our blessings, but it just seems to weigh heavy on my heart right now. I have witnessed life changing happenings with 3 of my very favorite people. Stuff I can not change. How do you help and comfort death, cancer and a life altering stroke? Sometimes I want to cry! But I don't dare, cause with these sinus problems right now, there would never be enough Kleenex and GROSS! So I go through life and try to smile and thank My Heavenly Father for my blessings. And oh, Speaking of Heaven, I know that there are so many angels trying to help us out. I have felt them so many times. And speaking of angels, I have this wonderful social network that has buoyed me up. The comments, Oh the wonderful comments that I run to every day and hang on to every word, even if it is just "HI" It's amazing how just a "HI" can lift your spirits.

I have had people tell me that I have amazing faith and strength. I have been thinking about that alot and as I think back, I know that things happened in my life to "Fill my lamp" Some of those things are: watching others go through trials amazingly, completing the Book of Mormon from start to finish in 97 days, counseling :} from friends and many others, setting a goal to "Live In The MOMENT," Service, Learning that the Atonement is for me too!!!! I really don't feel strong and faithful, but each day is a new day to start over, to learn some thing new and to grow.

I wish I could help take some of the pain and fear away. I wish, in a way that I could change things, but these things happen for a reason. I know that I have learned so much OH SO MUCH and I feel the most amazing thing I have learned is that I am so proud of my self because I have tried to understand all of this and not get angry and ask why? (well, I kinda did) but as a younger person, I tended to get angry with God and ask Why Me? I KNOW that we all agreed to this stuff. We knew it would not be easy. How can I be mad at God as I look back over the past 10 months and see inside myself and what I have learned? How can I blame Him when my testimony is at an all time high level? How can I turn my back on Him as I have {seriously} felt him CARRY me? How can I be mad when I have watched all my loved ones ( and me) go through the refiners fire? I have watched my hubby gain more faith in "His" will. I have watched my dad take such good care of my mom, and my mom never complain. I have watched my mother in law cry because she misses her husband, but gain strength as she talks about sealing her family together. I have watched as my daughter broke off her engagement, only to understand Gods Will. So many hardships, so many blessings. So I try not to cry. I try to be positive. I am so grateful to be bouyed up with friends and family. So many have problems in their lives, and hard ones. These are the last days. This is a test. I know I am on an "A" person, but I will muttle through this and try my hardest to pass! I am so grateful for that voice in my head in December that screamed "IT IS GOING TO GET BAD" I have felt that someone cared enough about me to warn me, and because of that " I HAVE NEVER FELT ALONE!"

Oh, and, this is sooooooooooo me!!!!!

So, Diary, thanks for listening.

Judy

My cousin, Sandy sent me this Daily Gem: I love her to pieces!

“Faith and fear cannot coexist. One gives way to the other. The simple fact is we all need to constantly build faith and overcome sources of destructive disbelief. The Savior’s teaching comparing faith to a grain of mustard seed recognizes this reality (see Matthew 13:31–32). Consider it this way: our net usable faith is what we have left to exercise after we subtract our sources of doubt and disbelief. . . . If your faith exceeds your doubt and disbelief, the answer is likely positive. If you allow doubt and disbelief to control you, the answer might be negative.”
Kevin W. Pearson

LOVE THIS!!!!!!

Yesterday JP, Cole and I went to lunch with mom and dad! So good to see her get out and about.