Seein’ Stars

As a young girl one of my favorite quotes was:

Two men looked out of the self same bars,

One saw mud, the other saw stars.

I heard that in church and never forgot it. And to be honest, I have had to play it over and over in my head lately.  When I first learned that JP had cancer, I decided then that I would remain “SOFT” By that I mean that I wouldn’t let this harden me or my heart. Lately I have been feeling a little “HARD”…..maybe a little grinch-ish!

I know that satan wants me to be angry and bitter. To think that all is bad in my life. To dwell on the hardships. To not find happiness. To be ticked off at everyone and everything. Well it has kinda worked. Last night we went to our Adult Stake Conference meeting and a woman stood to give her talk. It was obvious that she was blind. She walked up to the pulpit, and with out hesitation began to speak.
She didn’t open up her printed out talk, or her scriptures. As she began to speak, chills went up my arm. She testified of Christ and reading her scriptures. READING  her scriptures. Wow. With the touch of her fingertips, she reads every day of Christ and the influence the Gospel of Jesus
Christ has in her life. But the thing she said that hit me the most, is that she relies  on him in her life. Then she said something I will never forget. “I rely on him that “this” doorknob is the door to the back porch”

I sobbed as my hard, heavy heart began to soften as I realized the blessings in my life. The quote “Lord forgive me when I whine, I have two eyes, the world is mine.”

This beautiful sister stood and gave the most amazing talk I have ever heard….from memory. It came from her heart, not a typed out paper that she had to keep track of where she was so she didn’t forget anything….from her sweet memory and grateful heart. She didn’t complain about her condition. She testified of how Christ is in her everyday life and guides her along.

Wow. Did I feel guilty. I hung my head and apologized for my bitter feelings and gave thanks for her and a Loving Heavenly Father that allowed her to touch my heart. I came home humbled and grateful.

Last week I drove down to Utah to take Cole to get a test done. It was an upper GI, and it was done at Huntsman…..we can’t get

away from that place……I guess they need money for their new wing…..

Everything looked ok, except for the lining in her stomach and they are checking for that bacteria thing…….. so i got to spend a few days with the girls.

The wedding plans are coming along good. Just very stressful. VERY STRESSFUL! So I am trying to re-group and start a new strategy so I can do this and Christmas and try to have some Christmas spirit.

We went to the cabin with Ryan and Sydni for a few days. May I say how proud of them I am. Since they met, I have called them “THE TWINS” They are seriously like twins…..so cute together. The love each other so much and it shows. Their life is hard as they both go to school full time and work, but they are doing it and I am amazed at them and their determination!

We have alot of extra stuff going on in our life right now. No matter how hard it gets, or seems to get, I will strive to see those stars.

I will strive to be happy every single day and give thanks for all I do have. It is a choice, one that I haven’t been very good at making.