His Love……….

I think there are times in our lives that take us to the deepest depts  of hell. The past few days I have thought about my Heavenly Father and the love he has for us and his Son, Jesus Christ. I have thought about how hard it must have been as he saw his Son on a cross and how he must have wanted to take that pain away from Him, but knew he couldn’t.  I often wonder how hard it is for him to see us struggle, knowing he wants to take the pain away, but knowing that he can’t. He knows what is best for us and that it takes the trials in this life to build us and make us strong. 

There is something about a parent/child relationship. I cherish the moment that each of my children entered this life and were placed in my arms. That first “Hello, I am your mommy” That first word, step, day of school, basketball game, date, kiss, heartbreak and first…….. biopsy.

This weekend was one of my hardest by far. Last Tuesday I went to Utah to  stay with the girls and on Wednesday went with Nicole to Huntsman to do a biopsy. I was able to go in with her and watch the procedure, and flashbacks of the first time I met her in a hospital flooded my mind and heart. I ached for her. We then spent 2 days moving them both into new apartments and then on Friday I came home. All seemed well. JP and I went to the ward party and it was there…….that I had my MELTDOWN.  Yip, had to get the car keys and head to the car to cry like a baby. Needless to say it was a long weekend.

With help from zanaz and benadryl for hives, I made it through, and today found out that the biopsy was NEGATIVE.

That is wonderful news, but with it comes a little frustration as to why she doesn’t feel well. 

We so appreciate you and all your lovin”  I can feel the prayers, love and support.

I can feel the love from My Heavenly Father each day and wonder why, when some days I am to scared or angry to pray. I know now a tiny bit as to what he went through that day as his Son hung on a cross, as I watch my daughter struggle and all I want to do is take away the pain.

She is strong. She is amazing, and a true example to me. I hated this trial all weekend and today I am thankful that I can actually look up through the clouds and see the sunshine.

I know He loves me b/c each and every day I am surrounded with people that love me. I have had so many friends call, text, come see me and HUG me, and for that I am sooooo grateful!